What am I...?

It started snowing two days ago... Well, more like raining ice. For being so small and so beautiful, those ice pellets did hurt. Even now, sitting indoors, I recall the feeling of it as it hit my cheeks.

A sudden chill overwhelmed me, as I pulled my coat tightly around me. This cold weather... I don't think I'll ever get used to it. Imagine me visiting up north, and don't bother with living there. I laughed inwardly at the thought as I trudged around the yard, covered with glistening snow. I've always found winter to be so beautiful in its desolate appearance. I could just close my eyes and take in the solitude, letting myself fall into nature's embrace.

It was so peaceful... So peaceful that I thought I was alone in this world. I didn't know whether to smile or to cry. It was a depressing thought, but when have I never been like that?

"You'll catch a cold."

"Does it matter?" I retorted.

"Of course," he replied genuinely, and I noted the sound of his shoes pressed into the snow. Then he stopped, standing close... behind me, but I did not turn around to give him my acknowledgement. I don't recall how long we stood in the silence, but it bothered me. Not the silence, but his presence. I could feel his eyes on me, anticipating me next move or comment.

"Lately," he began in a contemplative tone, "your smiles have been different."

"Oh?" I don't know why I even bothered with that response.

"Yes."

I guess I can't pretend anymore. I can't hide behind these fake smiles... because, truthfully, I'm tired. But then, the real me... I don't know. That's something I'll figure out for myself; no one can tell me... but...

"Tell me," I turned back to him and stared straight into his eyes. We were friends, like everyone I've met, but with each one of them, I've always kept my distance. Whether trust is in question or just the fear of hurting or being hurt, it has been this way. I doubt anyone has noticed it, but sometimes I do question each relationship... "What am I to you?"